Here is an interactive session with some men on what they think about going down with women.
How old are you?
Man A: Twenty-three.
Man B: Twenty-six.
Man C: Thirty.
Man D: Forty-two.
How often do you go down on women? Is it voluntary or do they usually ask?
Man A: I go down on my girlfriend regularly. We don't do that every time we have sex, but I'd say a couple times a week on average. I don't need to be asked because it gets me turned on to do it, but sometimes she'll put in a special request for it if she's particularly in the mood.
Man B: I have been with my current girlfriend for two years; it's one of my favorite parts of foreplay/sex. I go down on her pretty much every time we have sex. If I'm with someone that doesn't ask, then I usually do (enthusiastic consent FTW!). I'm shocked that the number of women who have said no is greater than zero. I don't think any guy has ever turned down a blow job.
Man C: As often as I can. It's something I love doing. It can both be voluntary and they can ask as well. It's used a lot when a little bondage is in play. Both ways, if I have her tied up and vice versa. She can demand a certain number of orgasms or I can tease for a long time, stopping just before she comes.
Man D: I'm in a steady relationship, and I'd say about once a week. It's always been voluntary, although I wouldn't be offended if a woman asked. Women shouldn't feel embarrassed to ask.
Have you ever gotten feedback from a woman you went down on? Were you offended or motivated?
Man A: The positive feedback has ranged from vocal ("That was incredible!") to non-vocal, like thighs spasming with pleasure and gratified moaning and so forth. I haven't gotten negative so much as constructive feedback from women I've gone down on — if I was going in too hard she might tell me to slow down, or if she wants me to shift my focus, she might guide my head in that direction. I find that more motivating because it helps me get on a better track.
Man B: Yes, especially when I was starting out, I asked for feedback to find out what worked and what didn't. It makes me motivated, never offended. It's nothing personal, it's just what they like.
Man C: I have gotten feedback, both good and bad. Negative feedback is usually along the lines of, "Don't lick so hard, kiss it there, use your fingers." It never made me feel bad. The whole point is to make her feel good. So I never had a problem being directed or told to do it a different way. After that, I normally think, "OK, let's put those tips to good use." I have done something similar at times when she has been going down on me.
Man D: Most of the women I've gone down on have been good at saying what they liked and didn't like. A few partners felt like they were being pressured into having an orgasm because I was being quite persistent, but it's hard for a guy to know with a new partner how much stimulation a women needs and how much is too much, or if it's just not going to happen. I wouldn't be upset if someone ruffled my hair and asked me to stop.
Do you mostly use it as foreplay?
Man A: It's always a great way to start things off, getting her down on the bed and pulling her clothes off and sticking my face down in there. Sometimes if I'm very excited and feel like I might come soon, I'll do a lot of clit sucking to get her all aroused, trying to keep us on the same pace. It's also a great interlude between different sex positions, whether I need to catch my breath or just want to throw in a nice surprise before moving to a different setup. And sometimes she'll wake me up by sitting on my face and we jump into it that way. That gives her control of the pace and lets her kind of grind up against my beard, so it's got a different vibe.
Man B: It's mostly a part of foreplay.
Man C: It is normally part of sex, but I do love it when the girl I'm with comes out of the shower with her towel around her. It's a very sexy sight. And I start kissing her neck. I would go down on her then. After that, I follow her lead. If she wants more, wonderful. If not, I'm happy with that.
Man D: It can vary a lot. Sometimes it'll be part of foreplay and a quite nice way to help my partner get really turned on in a different way from touching. Other times, it'll be toward the end of sex, as a different way of helping her climax, as it's something that makes her come deep and long. Occasionally, it's a useful way to take a (physical) break from sex, without losing the mood, although I tend to feel that once you've started to give oral sex, you ought to give your partner the chance to reach a climax if they want to.
What do you like best about giving oral?
Man A: I like how happy it makes her. I'm also proud of how my skill in it has grown — she'd been with a lot of guys before me but says I'm hands down the best at going down on her. And actually it sounds like a lot of guys would give shitty excuses to not do cunnilingus, like, "No, it smells down there," or, "No, it's dirty," even when they expected blow jobs. So I like trying to nudge the world just a bit toward oral sex parity in the small way that I can.
Man B: The amount of pleasure I'm able to give my partner and the control I have in teasing her.
Man C: Just making her feel that good. When she is writhing and moaning, then coming against me, knowing that I'm making her feel like that is a great feeling. It's also incredibly intimate and shows a lot of trust. And I would be a liar if I didn't say it is quite an ego boost. When you have made a girl grab your hair, screaming as she comes, now and then, I do have a cheeky little smirk to myself as I think "Yes ... I did that."
Man D: It's very intimate and very trusting. I like being surrounded by my partner, and running my hands over her breasts, stomach, bottom, and legs.
Is there anything you don't like about it?
Man A: On rare occasions, I encounter some little bits of toilet paper residue down there and that throws me off a bit.
Man B: Sometimes my partner doesn't want to make out afterward; it's also a pain having to keep my face very clean shaven.
Man C: I genuinely cannot think of a thing. It's something I love doing and always have done.
Man D: I'm not blessed with the longest tongue, so it's hard on my neck and I occasionally get a very sore frenulum (the bit of skin under the tongue).
What is it like to have your face buried in a vulva?
Man A: I find vaginas aesthetically fascinating, but you rarely get a chance to really look at them up close. I like that cunnilingus creates that opportunity. The taste can be very tangy, especially if the woman is really getting aroused and more juices come out. Then there's the matter of isolating the clit with your tongue — you can't actually see it when your mouth is on top of it, so you have to really develop a tactile understanding of the terrain and be attuned to how focusing your energy yields different results.
Man B: Usually my eyes are closed. I love the way it feels, I have a hard time describing it because I can't think of anything to relate it to. It's a little bit like running your tongue along the inside of your cheek, at least the smooth/wet parts.
Man C: I love it. Looking up at her, nipples perkily up, and her moving around uninhibited. Taste is never an issue, apart from one woman who was incredibly bad-tasting. I still did it though. After a few seconds, taste becomes irrelevant. It is very sexy, as you use your tongue, lips, and fingers. The whole act is incredibly sensual.
Man D: I've never gone down on someone and found it repulsive. My saliva will tend to make it all taste fairly neutral pretty quickly. The skin inside the folds is incredibly smooth and supple and very enjoyable to lick and kiss, and there's the texture of the opening to the vagina that's nice to flick and tease a little. It's very immersive and enveloping. I like to put my hands around my partner's waist, and hug her into me.
